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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829954">Worth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HixyStix/pseuds/HixyStix'>HixyStix</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Frank Talks, Gen, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:27:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,684</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829954</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HixyStix/pseuds/HixyStix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kallus needs some damn therapy.  Zeb tries to help.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexsandr Kallus &amp; Garazeb "Zeb" Orrelios</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>85</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Worth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kallus paused for a moment, rubbing his temples as he stared at the datapads spread across his desk.</p><p>Somewhere, amongst the terabyte of data the Rebellion’s slicers had managed to steal, was information about a series of kyber crystal shipments from Jedha.  <em>Detailed</em> information; the kind that could make or break a mission.</p><p>Knowing the Rebels here on Yavin IV, those missions would probably fall to the <em>Ghost</em>’s remaining crew, and Kallus had a special interest in making sure they had all the information they needed.  Sure, the Spectres were good at improvising, but quick, in-and-out strikes would serve the Rebellion better at the moment.</p><p>The longer they could keep the Empire from realizing the data had been stolen, the more use they could get out of it.</p><p>Kallus was gearing up for his third night of little-to-no sleep, downing painkillers and caf to stave off the headaches and exhaustion.  He couldn’t stop the shakiness in his limbs, but it wasn’t enough of a problem to disturb his work.  He could sleep once the missions were underway.</p><p>He wasn’t the only Intelligence officer pulling an all-nighter, thought he noticed he was working with an entirely new crew from the night before.</p><p>That was all right.  The others could rest and stay sharp.  Kallus was used to long work stretches; they probably weren’t.</p><p>Heavy footsteps sounded behind him.  Only one being walked that way.</p><p>“Zeb,” Kallus said without turning around.  “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Kal,” Zeb said by way of greeting.  “You’re not still working, are you?”</p><p>“No,” he said sardonically.  “I’m waiting for my appointment with the masseuse.”</p><p>“Ah, I need one o’ those,” Zeb said, sitting on Kallus’s desk and looking down at him.  He wasn’t smiling.  “Why are you still working?”</p><p>Kallus gestured at the datapads.  “We need to sift through this information quickly and–”</p><p>“No, Kal.”  Zeb shook his head.  “Not why Intelligence is still working.  Why are <em>you </em>still working?”</p><p>“At this point, I’m the closest thing to a project leader we have,” Kallus argued.  “I’ve been working on it the longest–”</p><p>Zeb cut him off again.  “When’s the last time you slept?”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Kallus said.</p><p>Zeb just stared.</p><p>Kallus glared back.</p><p>Maybe it was the headache.  Maybe he was a sucker for those green eyes.  Maybe he was losing his edge – but Alexsandr Kallus looked away first.</p><p>Zeb was kind enough not to smile.  “When’s the last time you slept?”</p><p>“Three nights ago,” Kallus admitted.</p><p>“Why do you do this?” Zeb grumbled.  “Every chance you get, you’re here.  When you should be sleeping or eating or, I dunno, having fun, you’re here.  <em>Why</em>?”</p><p>“It has to be done,” Kallus said, hackles rising again.  “And I know the Imperial system as well or better than anyone here, so it needs to be me.”</p><p>Zeb laughed.  “‘Better than anyone here’?  C’mon, you’re not the only Imperial defector.”</p><p>Somehow, Kallus knew arguing wouldn’t serve him well.</p><p>“Why does it have to be you?” Zeb asked, rephrasing his question again.</p><p>“People’s lives count on this information, Zeb.  <em>Your </em>people’s lives.”</p><p>“Why can’t someone else in Intelligence do this?  Draven didn’t tell you to stay up all night, did he?”</p><p>“No.”  Kallus picked up the datapad with his notes on it.  “But I decided to.”</p><p>“This isn’t the Empire, Kal.  You can take breaks.  No one’s gonna kill you over it.”</p><p>“If I quit, even for the night, there’s a chance that the Empire <em>will </em>kill someone over it.  It might even be you.”</p><p>Zeb counted heads in the room, pointing at each person working on the same project.  “Ten people.  Ten people already working on this data.  I’d say it’s covered for now.  Come with me and get some sleep.”</p><p>Oh, that sounded tempting.  Sleep in a bunk on board the <em>Ghost</em>, where they treated him – for some unknown reason – with some camaraderie, more than anywhere else on the base.  “I can’t,” he said sadly.  “I have to keep working.”</p><p>“And what’s gonna happen when you have to go to the medbay because you worked too hard?” Zeb asked.  “What good are you to anyone if you’re dead?”</p><p>Kallus couldn’t help himself; he flinched at Zeb’s words.  Maybe he was lucky and Zeb didn’t notice.</p><p>He wasn’t that lucky.  Zeb looked at him intently, head cocked.  “That’s it, isn’t it?  You think you have to make up for being an Imperial.  Kal, that’s not true.”</p><p>“You wouldn’t know,” Kallus said quietly.  “I need to do good, to provide some reparations for what I’ve done.”</p><p>“I <em>know</em> because I felt the same way after Lasan,” Zeb said sternly.  “Blamed myself for the whole planet’s fall.”</p><p>Stricken, Kallus looked at Zeb’s forehead, still unable to meet his eyes.  “Zeb, you know that’s not true.  The Empire–  We–  There wasn’t anything you could have done against those T-7s.”</p><p>“I know that <em>now</em>, but it took Kanan and Hera both to teach me that.”  Zeb moved just enough to capture Kallus’s gaze.  “You don’t need to punish yourself.”</p><p>“I have to work,” Kallus said quickly, realizing he was saying too much but unable to stop himself.  “I have to work and help the Rebellion.  If I don’t produce results that save people, then I’m no use here.  I’m not even worth the food they provide me.  I can’t justify my rescue.”</p><p>“Justify–”  Zeb shook his head.  “You don’t have to justify existing, Kal.  It’s okay to just be.”</p><p>“For you,” Kallus said.  “You haven’t done the things I have.”</p><p>“And the Rebellion is guilt-free?  Ask General Draven about some of the things your Intelligence operatives do.”  Zeb gave Kallus a significant look.</p><p>Kallus <em>did </em>know what Draven’s operatives got up to.  He’d done the same and worse as an ISB agent.</p><p>“You really think you have to justify your rescue?  Your presence here on base?”  Zeb gestured to the room again.  “Half of the base used to be Imperial and we rescued them.  Karabast, a good number of them were rescued because of <em>you</em>.  All of us on the <em>Ghost </em>owe <em>you</em> for getting us out of tight spots and for getting that warning to us about Thrawn finding Atollon.”</p><p>“That was then.  I was spying.  I was actively doing good.  Now… I sit and analyze.  I <em>have </em>to make it worthwhile, Zeb.”</p><p>“You <em>are</em>.”  Zeb reached out and put a hand on Kallus’s shoulder.  “Buddy, do you see General Draven skipping sleep?  He’s responsible for all of you Intelligence types and he still sleeps.  So do Mon Mothma and General Dodonna and Hera.  Hells, I’ll bet you even Thrawn slept.”</p><p>“Rank,” was all Kallus said.</p><p>“Common sense,” was Zeb’s reply.  “The more you go without sleep, the more likely it is you’ll screw up and miss something in all that data.  You’ll get yourself sick and you’ll use up medical resources.  You’re doin’ the Rebellion a favor by getting sleep.  By getting the most out of that big brain o’ yours.”</p><p>“I–”  Kallus found he had no real argument to that.  Zeb’s logic was sound.</p><p>“Don’t start in on your past, either,” Zeb warned.  “So you screwed up, big time, by believing in the Empire.  So what?  We all screw up.”</p><p>“People <em>died </em>because of my ‘screw ups’.  A <em>lot </em>of people.”</p><p>Zeb’s eyes narrowed.  “The Royal Family died on Lasan because I couldn’t protect them.  I didn’t go with Kanan and the kids to rescue Hera from Thrawn and <em>Kanan</em> died.  One of my best friends.  That weighs on me pretty heavily, Kal.  But you can’t change your mistakes.  You just gotta learn from them.”</p><p>“I’m trying to do that,” Kallus said.</p><p>“You <em>have</em>,” Zeb countered.  “You made a choice to be Fulcrum.  You chose to join the Rebellion.  You know what you did before was wrong and you’re doing the right thing now.”</p><p>“But that doesn’t mean anyone here should forgive me.  I’m not worth that.”</p><p>“Mate, don’t start in on worth,” Zeb said.  “You’re my friend.  That gives you worth to me.  And if you think of me as a friend, too, don’t hurt me by talkin’ trash about my friend.”</p><p>Kallus closed his eyes.  He <em>did </em>think of Zeb as a friend; his best friend, at that.  “I’ll make an attempt not to,” he promised, “for your sake.”</p><p>Zeb nodded.  “Good.  I’ll take that.  Now you need some sleep.”</p><p>Once he’d closed his eyes, it was hard to open them.  There was still work to do, though.  “But–”</p><p>“Don’t make me throw you over my shoulder and carry you out of here.  You know I can.”</p><p>Kallus sighed and leaned back in his chair.  Zeb was right about the sleep.  He was probably right about the rest of it, but it was hard for Kallus to internalize that at the moment. </p><p>He had a feeling Zeb would keep working on that.</p><p>“Fine,” Kallus said.  “I’ll sleep.”  He set about organizing his desk before he left, but found himself dragged out of his chair before he finished.</p><p>“<em>Now</em>,” Zeb said, tugging him along behind.  “We’ll talk about this more when you’ve slept.”</p><p>All Kallus could do was try to keep up without falling and hope his Intelligence coworkers weren’t all watching.</p><p>Zeb led Kallus all the way to the <em>Ghost </em>without letting go of his hand, as if Kallus would run away.  Kallus obligingly went into the bunk they shared and climbed into the top bunk while Zeb watched.</p><p>“You know I’m not going to sleep with you staring at me, right?” he muttered when Zeb didn’t leave.</p><p>“Fine.  But don’t you dare leave this room until after the sun comes up tomorrow.”  Zeb crossed his arms.  “If you have to use the ‘fresher, hold it.”</p><p>Kallus managed a chuckle.  The room went dark as Zeb left and Kallus rolled to face the wall.</p><p>Maybe it was possible to believe what Zeb had said.  Maybe Kallus didn’t have to earn his place in the Rebellion anymore.  Maybe he didn’t have to justify himself. </p><p>Maybe there was something worthy in him, after all.</p><p>Zeb thought so.  And maybe, Zeb was right.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Author has a bad day; tries to work it out a little with fictional characters.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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